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A Sign that it will be OK

Life is beyond hectic, and it's safe to say my stress level is pretty high. I start my day at 5:00. I get up and start getting ready. I start getting kids up at 6 so that we have time to be able to leave at 7:20. I feed the dogs and get my stuff that I am taking with me for the day ready. Lunch, back pack with homework and everything that I need for the entire day. Kids get ready and eat breakfast. We leave at 7:20 which gives us time to get everyone to their designated places on time.

This is the plan, but most mornings it doesn't go this way. It usually goes a lot more like I roll out of bed at 5:50 and jump in the shower. I start waking kids up at 6ish and they ignore me for as long as possible. About 6:30 I start threatening to find the squirt bottle of cold water... that usually works. I feel the dogs and struggle to have myself ready because kids need help with breakfast, doing hair, and finding clothes (you know because we live out of laundry baskets) We leave about 7:30ish and though the kids are all on time... I am probably a little bit late. At least the kids are on time!

Let's see so I work full time, have 3 kids in school, 2 are in club soccer so we have soccer practice 3-4 nights a week. I have gone back to school to finish my degree and am currently taking two classes. We have something every night during the week in the evening. Usually I get home from work and we grab snacks, maybe have time to go to the bathroom, and we head out the door for the evening events. We get home around 8:15-8:45 depending on how long practice or the event goes and then its dinner, bathing, and bed. Then I do homework til about 11:30ish...

I am so thankful for the family I have that help with picking up and sometimes running kids around. I don't know what I'd do without them! I am also so grateful that I work someone that is understanding of my situation and the many things that might come up that require me to either be late or be out.

All that to say that most nights when I sit down to start homework I feel a little overwhelmed and sometimes a bit weepy. It's a lot, and though I am determined to stay the course... I am feeling it. Tonight I sat down with my dinner at my desk to start getting school stuff opened and start working what I could while the kids were eating. I had this wave of sadness. I miss Brian so much sometimes. All of this is so hard and I usually just put on a happy face and do like my little blue fishy friend, "just keep swimming." Only, mine is, "Just keep going!" I was just missing him and feeling overwhelmed... how am I supposed to do all of this? Then, I saw it... the Kleenex folded on the desk the way you used to do. It used to drive me nuts! I'd find all these folded Kleenex's all over your desk and by your side of the bed. LOL it drove me crazy! I have no idea where that Kleenex came from. My Kleenex box on the desk is empty and has been that way for weeks. I have no idea, but it was sorta a sign. You are still with me. In that moment when I saw that Kleenex I knew you were with me and it's going to be ok.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

I can do all of the things that I must do right now because it's not just me. God strengthens me daily and though I feel overwhelmed and I wonder how the heck am I supposed to do this. I keep doing it. Somehow. People tell me I don't know how you do it. I tell them I don't really know how I do it either. I just keep going. God has the map and I trust him. So, each day I get up and I do my very best to take care of my kids, raise them to be good humans, and do all the things that have to be done. Lots and lots of stuff doesn't get done, but each day is a new day and I will keep doing my best to, "Just keep going!"

~prayers and love to you all!



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