Today it has been one year since you gained you heavenly residence. It is one of those weird instances where it feels like it somehow went by far faster than I thought it would and in the same instance feels like it was a very long time. I felt every single one of those days. To say it’s been a rollercoaster learning how to live this life without you is about the best way to describe the emotions that I’ve been through. Each day has had its challenges and I am glad to say it’s joys. I miss you so very much!
You used to say that you knew it would be ok if you weren’t here because I am so strong. That is true. We are ok. God has shown me that I can be strong. The truth is that in this instance I really wish you had been wrong in that statement because I wish you were here. I wish I wasn’t having to be strong.
Every day I hold my head up and try to move forward… try to figure out how to navigate this adventure called life without you. Everyday I hope that I am enough. Everyday I pray that God helps me and the truth is that without God’s help I would be a puddle on the ground.
I miss so many things that we shared. I miss our talks, your company, your hugs, the way you were always there for the kids and how you love them so much. I was thinking last night about what it might be that I miss the most. I think that listening to you play your guitar while I fall asleep might be one of the things that I miss the most.
I know that you are not in pain and that you have the best gig ever! So, I try not to be sad in my missing you. It is not forever. I will see you again. It is hard. I guess that is me being selfish. I wish you were here.
There where always be a place in my heart that is tender and hurts because I love you! God gave you to me and he took you back. I still don’t really understand why, but I know that I don’t have to understand I just have to trust. God has a plan. A plan for good and though I don’t understand it I know that God is taking care of me, the kids, and my family.
I will continue to miss you and I know life will continue to be a rollercoaster. I am grateful for the peace that God gives. I am grateful for the amazing people God has put I my life. I am so very blessed. Happy Heavenly Birthday Sweetheart!